Recovering From an Eating Disorder: Grieving the Old Behaviours
Recovery from an eating disorder is often a challenging and emotional process. Each day, you may be required to reduce exercise or body checking, abandon safety rituals such as purging, and consume food that you may have labelled as “bad.” Additionally, throughout the recovery process, you will likely be asked to adopt and integrate alternative perspectives that contradict your traditional way of thinking.
What is Grief?
Grief is a powerful emotion that arises from the significant loss of something or someone important, such as a loved one, a passion, a job, or even an eating disorder. During the grief process, you may navigate through the following stages:
Denial: This is often the initial survival stage. In recovery, denial might involve refusing to acknowledge how the eating disorder has negatively impacted your life.
Anger: As you begin to recognize the harm caused by the eating disorder, feelings of irritation or anger may emerge. Denial was a survival mechanism, and now you’re facing the reality of the pain that was inflicted, which can bring about intense emotions. For instance, you may recognize lost opportunities or the strain on significant relationships (Petterson et al., 2012)
Bargaining: You might have felt a sense of control during your eating disorder, though this control was illusionary. Bargaining involves attempts to regain or hold onto elements of that control, even though it was never truly yours. Contemplating how to implement adaptive coping strategies is a part of recovery (Petterson et al., 2012).
Depression: In this stage, you may encounter feelings of loneliness, hopelessness, and overwhelm. This represents the beginning of acceptance, as you start to navigate life without the eating disorder.
- Acceptance: At this point, you begin to come to terms with the loss of the eating disorder and explore who you are beyond it. Acceptance also often involves self-forgiveness.
What Can I Do?
Write a therapeutic letter: Writing a letter to say goodbye to your eating disorder can provide a sense of closure and help you process your emotions. Moreover, these letters can act as reminders and lead to new perspectives (Davidson & Birmingham, 2001).
Extract insight from grief: While the process is undeniably challenging, it also offers valuable insights. Reflect on how the eating disorder may have shaped your identity and consider who you are becoming without its constraints and beyond its limitations.
Practice self-compassion: Eating disorders are not trivial, nor are the emotions that accompany the recovery and grief process. Much like grieving the loss of a loved one, you may find yourself revisiting various stages. It is crucial to practice self-compassion, recognize the difficulty of the process and allow yourself grace.
References:
Davidson, H., & Birmingham, C. L. (2001). Letter writing as a therapeutic tool. Eating and Weight Disorders – Studies on Anorexia, Bulimia and Obesity, 6(1), 40–44. https://doi.org/10.1007/bf03339750
Pettersen, G., Thune‐Larsen, K., Wynn, R., & Rosenvinge, J. H. (2012). Eating disorders: Challenges in the later phases of the recovery process. Scandinavian Journal of Caring Sciences, 27(1), 92–98. https://doi.org/10.1111/j.1471-6712.2012.01006.x
