Limiting Beliefs & How they Keep Us Stuck
What is a Limiting Belief?
Limiting beliefs are perspectives we hold about ourselves, others, and the world that prevent us from achieving our full potential. For example, one might believe that because they have had negative dating experiences, that they are incapable of having and keeping a healthy, stable, and loving relationship. Perhaps you experienced neglect as a child, and now believe that you are not worthy of love and attention. This is a limiting belief which holds you back from pursuing your life dreams and desires. Someone who believes they are incapable of loving or being loved will not put themselves in a position to have a good relationship. They will likely isolate, and therefore, they will not obtain the relationship that they dream of. Does it need to be this way?
How can we alter our belief system so that we know and feel that we are deserving of the things we want?
How can we shift our mindset to believe that it is possible for us?
Self-Esteem and Forgiveness as Factors to Consider
Letting go of and reframing our limiting beliefs can be difficult when we hold onto the past and fail to acknowledge or create distance between our current selves and experiences that have shaped these beliefs. For example, one might believe they will never be financially stable because they have made poor financial decisions in the past. This individual might deem themselves irresponsible or unintelligent due to mistakes that they continue to hold onto.
To let go of these beliefs, externalize the mistake from yourself and offer yourself compassion and forgiveness: “I have made mistakes, but I am only learning.” It is okay to acknowledge where you went wrong, but be careful not to adopt such events or mistakes as a part of your identity – it is not who you are. Know that the things you want in life are in your reach and that you have the power to alter your belief system, therefore encouraging increased self-esteem and inner knowing that you can have more, and that you deserve it.
We are Creatures of Habit
Shaking these beliefs will likely be difficult at first. Perhaps you have come up with alternative beliefs, but you notice your mind pushing back against you – be patient with yourself. Humans are creatures of habit, and we naturally gravitate towards the familiar, even if it is not good for us. It might feel disingenuous to believe the opposite of what you always have, and you might notice thoughts like: “Why are you trying? You’ll never be better.” How do we alter our beliefs and truly adopt them and feel that they are true?
Identifying and Challenging Limiting Beliefs
Be Mindful and Reflective: Look for statements you tell yourself throughout the day – you might notice polarizing or definitive words such as “I always …” or “I never…”. Notice how you label yourself. Such statements might come up most often when something goes wrong or in moments of frustration. For example, you slept in this morning and said to yourself: “I’m always late. I am so lazy and disorganized.” Upon acknowledging this belief, reflect on it and ask yourself: “Is this a helpful thought? How is this belief limiting my progress towards my goals?”.
Challenge and Argue: Once you have established a limiting belief, challenge it! Consider writing down the belief and practice counter arguments as to why this belief is inaccurate. Perhaps you are not lazy. Arguments against this belief might be:
I am usually organized. Right now I am tired/exhausted/sick/experiencing a low mood.
I work hard at my job
I currently have a lot on my plate and am in need of rest
If such arguments trigger counter arguments like “I’m not good enough. I cannot get anything right.” Acknowledge them and follow up with more evidence against these limiting beliefs:
I am allowed to make mistakes.
I am trying my best.
I did the right thing by explaining to my boss why I was late and I apologized.
I haven’t given up.
Providing Evidence & Establishing New Beliefs: Providing yourself with specific examples from the past that work against your limiting beliefs can also help new beliefs feel more believable. With this new evidence that does not support your limiting belief, consider what belief it does support, and make a new one: i.e.“I am resilient because I can learn from my mistakes and I don’t give up.”
Want to learn more about limiting beliefs and how to practice self-forgiveness as you adopt new, healthier beliefs? We welcome you to book a consultation or session with one of our therapists!
